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socks and cat

a revelation

I was going to post something tonight. Something trivial or fun having to with the usual...clothes, sex, boys, etc. Then I read some of my friend's journals tonight and it shifted me.

I am so amazed at what my friends go through. Sometimes I just want to reach into their lives and pull them out. Often times I just want to win the lottery so I could buy them a ticket out of their challenges. But ultimately I know these challenges are their very purpose for being. We are not who we think we are or who we say we are. Who we really are can only be truly defined by the way we face our fears and challenges.


And a related thought that just came to me. I don't love freely or often at all. But for some reason I associate love very easily with pain. Wow, I just realized something huge. I think I can never really connect with people until they feel my pain or I feel theirs. It's not until I am in pain and they come to my aid that I learn to love some one. Or if they are in pain, and they permit me to support them, I find my heart opening enough to them to actually love them.

God, that is so amazingly clear to me right now. All I can say is beware. Come to me with your day to day problems and I will offer you my opinionated 2 cents every time. But come to me in your darkest hour, let me in, and you will likely find me there for all your darkest hours to come. Come to me in mine, and I will trust you like I trust no other. I will give you the one gift that I can only bestow from the most shattered and fragmented corners of my heart.


We are not who we think we are or who we say we are. Who we really are can only be truly defined by the way we face our fears and challenges.

Thank you.
Pain and love are not that far apart if you think about it. It's like two sides of a coin. Both sides face in opposite directions, but the backs are always touching.
Both are very extreme senses of emotions. Both can make or break you...

As far as I'm concerned, I'll always be here for you. Most of the people that I meet, I consider a friend. There's only few, though, that I consider true, close friends. You are one of them. Don't ever hesitate to ask me for help if you need it.

Also, your last paragraph reminded me of a poem I wrote in high school for some reason. It was the first thing that popped in my mind after I read it.

Into the valley of the shadows
The lone man walks
The way out of the pain
This man of sorrow stalks
A whisper in the shadow
Refreshes his soul
Only to be let down again
By his life so dull
Motions and movements
Make him wish he was there
Seeing the beauty
But always scared
Wishing for lust but is not renoun
He falls into a pit of darkened unfound
Giving up his hope
He turns to pride
Only to find out
That his soul has lied
The endless journey he fights thru battles
Moves him farther into the valley of the shadows.
Wow, I don't feel like I've really earned that yet. But I will do my best to be worthy of that honor. Thank you SO much. It means a lot to me.
You earned it a long time ago. You just didn't know it. ;)
I hope you never trust me at that level, because it would break my heart to know you had been so hurt.

You are always welcome in my life, though I hope my darkest hour is past.
Agreed. I'm looking forward to finding new ways of loving people that does NOT involve anyone being in pain first.


Your Intro talked about learning Poetry. Well, if I may add my 2 cents worth .. your Journal entry was so very poetic. Poetry comes from the heart - and when you know your heart so well, the words will come so automatically. -Thanks for being the only person that responded to my Note_to_self entry. Thanks for putting my thoughts and feelings into words.
Goddess Bless and Blessed Be!!

Re: Poetry

Thank you.
"Who we really are can only be truly defined by the way we face our fears and challenges."

I found this interesting as well, especially in light of the fact that most people are so reluctant to face fears or challenges.

Probably why I am not a huge admirer of the "average" person.
The Force is strong with this one.

(Dragon watches the little kitten from his cloaked perch)


I believe love and pain are from the same house really. They have all the same effects, both involve an ache. The one thing I really take notice in is that to be truly intimate with someone you have to let them know your pain or at least have an understanding between you both about the pain and heart ache you have faced.

Pain drives us to one place and one place alone and thats sadness... it makes us remember all the old war wounds and we begin to think about how it came to this... how it ever comes to this.

Love drives us though... to another point a point of completeness I would say. Love drives us past the fears and doubts and into something few of us rarely get to see or have.

You know they always says "Better to have love and lost then to have never loved at all..." Someone said that to me once... and I looked at them and honestly said... "Do you know how it feels to have your very soul dying?" I think alot of us forget that love entertwines the soul or spirit of two people together and when one half is lost we really don't know what to do... we become fearful and panicy.

The way I look at myself is easy... I dance with the devils inside me... cause most my pain has formed halves or habits I'd rather not have, so therefore I try to keep it balanced within me so that I don't stray too far from my ultimate goal which is happiness... unadulterated happiness. Which I believe I will uptain once I face all my fears, conquered all my wants, and finally stand beside someone I truly can love.

I rambled... blame the flu.

Re: Intimacy

Amen to that!

Except the flu part. Be well.