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socks and cat

Quote of the day...

"Hopefully, one day, you will do the thing that you have condemned in another so that your heart will be open with compassion."

~Emma Curtis Hopkins

Okay guys, this one might be a little more challenging than my normal questions. Think back and try to recall a time in your life when you judged some one or something, or saw something as "us" and "them" or just disliked some one for something...and then ended up in the same situation or doing the same thing you had previously judged in another. How did this experience change you or your life? Are you more compassionate as a result?


I know this so well... it's too personal to explain WHAT it was. But there is something I ALWAYS judged people for. Something I took quite the "moral high ground" on. Something I said I could NEVER do.

then I was faced with it...and in my turmoil I understood how people could make the choice I was so strongly against.

Then I made that same choice.

I don't judge people anymore. I may not agree with people's decisions but I've come to understand that I don't know what is happening with them or WHY they are doing what they are doing. And, often, the times when I want to be judgemental is the time when that person needs love and understanding.

So, now that's what I do.
This one is easy: Abusive relationships.

I never understood why somebody would stay in a relationship with an abusive partner. Not just physically abusive, but also the mentally abusive ones.

Then I met "The Darkone". She was mentally abusive, a veritable emotional terrorist. I'd go out with her, and the next day people would ask, "Did you have fun?" and I'd have to answer that I honestly didn't know.

Here is a near perfect illustration

I'll never get into that situation again, but it did leave me with an understanding of how difficult it is to recognize getting into it and how dificult it is to break the pattern.
there are a few things to that regard...and I have been put in sittuations where I had to make the same decision I had judged others for making...now I am far less judgemental...

Also, with the weight gain I had expereinced over xmas...well, it didnt feel or look like much, but ppl like photographers, and my skinny friends treated me different, like I was the fat one of the group. That because I had gained so much weight, I wasnt what they wantd to see in pictures...

well, I used to look at the overweight and wonder why they couldnt just use self control...then they wouldnt be so fat...well, after I balooned up uncontrollably, I understood that its not really there fault all the time..there are so many factors.

I still wish my mother would learn some self dicipline over her weight...but I wont judge them because I know that just like me, when they are ready to take care of themselves and want to...they will...my or anyone else's judging them wont change anything.
I used to think of people caught up in gossip and drama as immature and stupid and then... my words got twisted and missunderstood and I was suddenly on the recieving end of being accused of doing or saying things I had not...

I step even more lightly in he said she said situations as a result.
Exact same thing happened to me. Now I know whenever you hear gossip about some one or multiple people telling the same story about them, it doesn't mean it's true.
I usually try to go to both sources & ignore the the "others".
I wouldn't go that far. If they haven't told me about it in the first place, it's probably none of my business. I just remember that gossip is never a reflection of the person being gossiped about and almost always an indication of the character of the person doing the gossiping. The actual subject matter of the gossip doesn't matter, it's none of my business.
Then again if I heard something that concerned me, (either I was concerned about someone or it involved Me) I would ask the person in Question (The person I was told said these things, the person involved, if multiple people are involved or if conflicting versions then both/all parties) & would then simply wait & watch to see which actions prevailed on both sides. I seek always to find the closest thing to truth that I can & I encourage others to do the same. No Judgement to be made, simply the attempt to understand what has transpired. So that I may better understand both the people involved in the gossip, the spreaders of the gossip & myself. I rarely take sides save when I have witnessed things myself.... even then I tend to try & be diplomatic not condemning one side or the or the other but calling things as I saw them.

I hope that any friend in the same position would ask me as well, should anything come to their attention that concerned them or even that they were curious about. That is part of how I gauge who my friends are. I am honest to near a fault. I will either tell you what my perspective is/my take on what happened (I do not presume to be right) or I will tell you I do not want to talk about it. It is really that simple to me.
You are the first friend that has asked to be spoken to about gossip. Everyone else I know has the attitude that if there's gossip floating around about them, they don't want to know about it.
If things are being said about me? & my friends want to know the ?truth? or at least hear from me what my take is I would prefer to be asked. I would rather ask & know what someone has to say about things being said about them than to continue hearing stuff that will eventually affect my thoughts regardless how many grains of salt I take it with.

If someone tells you over & over again how ugly you are, you will start to believe it. I know this to be true of all people. My sister did this to me over years & I believed for a very long time that I was as ugly & unlovable as she said I was.

The same is true of rumor. If the same things are said over & over again people will begin to believe them. Some more. Some less. Even if just a little subconsciously.

I fight against that as much as I am able.
Simple one I used to get really pissed off at slow drivers thinking they were stupid or fearful & causing potential disaster with their driving. Then I had a few experiences of driving cars not my own that would barely achieve freeways speed or maintain speeds legal without shaking violently. I felt humbled. I made sure to think about all those drivers behind me honking & cursing & pulled over to let others by every chance I got often with my hazards on.
I had neglected to take onto account the possibility of machinery error instead of operator error. Being that I try very hard not to judge I felt ashamed at first followed by being very thoughtful about as many other things as I could think of to create in me a much greater tolerance.
That's a tricky one isn't it...being non-judgmental about people who are judgmental.