Girl who dances in a cage (cagekitten) wrote,
Girl who dances in a cage

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I'm in my new room now, using dial-up internet as we don't have a cable long enough to reach in here. It rocks! My new room I mean, not my dial-up.

Part of what makes it feel so good in here is that all my clutter is still in the old room. I wish I could bring myself to just throw things away. But I have something in me that won't let me. I don't understand it completely. And yet I think I do.

When I was a child, I wasn't very good about cleaning my room. My abusive step father finally got pissed off about it. He and my mother went into my room with garbage bags and proceded to throw my things away. One after the other they picked up things that were mine and tossed them into the trash. Toys, books, stuffed animals, things that just made me feel like me. I stood there crying and begging and begging for them to please not do this to my things. I didn't have parents that spent time with me or a lot of close friends. My things were everything! And they took them away from me. They made it clear to me that I deserved it. God I was traumatized. Maybe that is part of why I can't let go of material things now.

Anyway, had fun talking with transcendence1 and Michael after they moved my furniture into the new room tonight. Transcendence has the most amazing background. He also has some serious kid energy. I can see it in his aura or get a vision of a child when he's talking about something. He's got a child in his future so clearly that you don't even have to be psychic to see it.

Michael said there are plenty of men that fit the description of what I'm looking for. He says we can find me a boyfriend. Transcendence said there is power in my dance. I said "good, because I want to make money at it." He said I definatily can.

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