I think I’ll write about last night in more detail later. Suffice it to say that the presence of so many friends, both old and new, made it wonderful! And my roommate Amy posted this comment in my journal yesterday, which just made me beam!
"Anyone who actually went to utopia last night knows that kitten was on FIRE! Damn girl. She really shines as a dancer - her whole being is lit up when she shakes her thang!"
Yeah, at some point last night I definitely reached that rare but attainable dancing nirvana. Which is just basically when I dance myself into such a joyous frenzy that I no longer think or feel…I just become and radiate total and complete joy and excitement. Blissed out on the most incredible high EVER. Me and the cage…we were made for each other.
I somehow dragged myself out of bed at 10:15am this morning to try and make the Sunday service at Center For Spiritual Living. The talk was about the people in our lives and how we all support each other and how our relationships improve with others when we look deeper into our own issues. Much of it was about how we can be angels for each other. There was even a song that went something like:
We are all angels
But we can’t reach the sky
Because we need each other to fly.
Yeah, we can all be angels for somebody. Toward the end of the service shivacat and stepchyld put their arms around me and told me “you’re an angel.” Hot damn, talk about some total bliss! I’m so freakin’ lucky to have so much love in my life. And that was just a wonderful confirmation of it. Wow. After the hug I fluttered my hands like little wings and said, “If I’m an angel, can I fly?” To which one of them responded (regarding my cage dancing) “You sure were flying last night!” Heh, yeah…my life totally rocks!!!
in the dressing room at Utopia
So I cruised home afterward with the top down on my convertible dream car. And I’ve got my favorite tunes blaring and the cool breeze and warm sunshine just totally blissing me out more. And I just have to pause and think how amazing it all is. Because I’m confused about and missing some of the most basic human needs and components for a fulfilling life. I have no idea what career path to follow or how I’m even going to support myself for the rest of my life. I’m lost and scraping by at a low paying survival job. And I have no idea how to love, who to love, or if I will ever end up with some one special in my life to love. I'm also incredibly far behind on so many projects and important "to-do's" in my life and so overwhelmed with work and rehearsal and catching up that I don't have the time anymore to spend with the all people I care about. And yet in spite of all this I have this really incredible life! I love the spiritual community I’m part of, I’m falling in love with the goth community, and even LiveJournal is turning out to be this wonderful place where I can express myself and become closer to people. I have so much enriching my life right now that even with those core things missing and confusing me…I am still totally blessed in every possible way.