Girl who dances in a cage (cagekitten) wrote,
Girl who dances in a cage
cagekitten

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In need of some prayer and meditation

Holy cow, the friends only post earlier today was out of control - I'm deleting it! I have no idea where all that came from. I don't know why I become so small sometimes. But we're on the elevator of life and I seriously need to push a higher floor.

I think I'm feeling too much pressure and boredom at the same time right now, and its squeezing me like some kind of vice. I should NOT have accepted that freelance research job. I dread it with every fiber of my being and it will only cause me pain while I procrastinate it. To make matters worse, I am doing a work-study job that I dislike. I never know what crap they will give me to do and I dread it every Tuesday and Thursday. It's also keeping me from making money. And speaking of acting school keeping me from making money, I just lost out on a 2:00pm to 7:00pm weekday nanny job because I would need to leave early twice a week for class and rehearsal. I was told I could set my own rate, as high as $15 per hour. I just blew that for a class that is boring.

And the idea of acting being boring is just mind blowing to me. I have wanted to act since second grade when I used to run around the playground acting out movies I had made up in my head. This has been my calling for as long as I can remember. Why is it not working for me right now???? I feel a stronger pull to write. LiveJournal is fueling my creative juices and if I could I would just journal all day long. Is my life's passion suddenly on hold!?!?! Is it possible to switch like this?

I also need to clean my room. I live here, I work here, I sleep here, I work out in here, I practice my dancing in here...this is more than just a bedroom. And now it's flea infested mess (thanks to shivacat's kitty). Well the mess isn't the cat's fault. That part is me being bored and lazy.

I don't have time to clean my room. I don't have time to even look for a job even though I have no unemployment coming in at the moment. All I can do are these two jobs I strongly dislike and it's not cool anymore. I can't drop the acting class, the entire play would fall apart without me. I can't refuse the freelance work, it pays $20 an hour! For now I will just hold out for Friday. My plan was to not drink Friday night at the Vogue. But at this point I sure would like to get smashingly drunk, twirl around the pole like a banshee, writhe around the stage like a cat in heat and then stumble and swagger over to the Merc to make out with anonymous persons of questionable gender. But that would be a very expensive night.

IAmKittenSoup
I am an edible kitten. Now lets never speak of this
again. **pretends to forget**


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