Girl who dances in a cage (cagekitten) wrote,
Girl who dances in a cage

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I realize this isn't the best apology but...

I mostly need to get this off my chest because I have a performance in a few hours and I'm already forced to do it on not enough sleep or food due to stress depriving me of both. I don't want anything else on my shoulders. So here it is (I hope a selfishly motivated apology is still considered a valid one).

I need to apologize. It was not intentional or malicious but I shared far too much personal information about l00p without his permission and in some cases without his knowledge. It was my intention to share my thoughts and feelings here on Live Journal where I feel the most sense of community and validation. But I was not able to share my emotions without some specifics which could be and were considered a betrayal of his confidence.

The entire debacle with information being leaked past this filter was far worse than I imagined. The information was spread far wider than I ever thought possible and as much as I'd like to think I'm the victim here, L00p never had any control over this situation. I did (simply by posting it). So as violated as I may feel it is in fact L00p that is the true victim of my decision.

And finally in the comment section of one of my posts I mentioned that I thought it might be Aramada who e-mailed L00p after receiving the contents of my post by word of mouth. I also mentioned in that comment that it is only a suspicion and I will feel like a moron if I am wrong. Well guess what. I was wrong. My guess was based on flimsy evidence though, not maliciousness. I never intended to defame or insult her in any way. L00p told me the person who sent him the e-mail was some one who did it because they cared about him and wanted to spare him possible pain. So my implication that it was her was based on the fact that she was the one person in the SeaGoth community that knew him well enough to care about him and try to prevent him from being hurt. Nothing more was meant by my accusation.

With that apology being done I am going to leave this post here for a couple days and then delete this entire filter. My journal will be a lot more vague from now on as well. I will do my best to convey my thoughts and feelings genuinely in the future because I don't want that luxury taken from me by the person who's been leaking information. But it may very often be unclear what I'm talking about because specifics will be left out from now on if other people are involved. I'm not very practiced at this however, so if you see something questionable posted about some one please feel free to call me on it. I will consider such a gesture a caring act since it would help prevent me from hurting others in the future. As far as future emotional but vague posts go, anyone who wants specifics and is truly a trustworthy friend will know how to get in touch with me if they want to support me or guide me in any way.

And again, I am genuinely sorry to both L00p and Aramada.

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