August 6th, 2009

socks and cat


I had a sobering conversation with a good friend today. Her best friend just got caught cheating on her husband because she accidentally sent a text message to her husband that was intended for her lover. Apparently she never intended to end the marriage, just stay in it and have this lover the entire time. But she got caught, and she has completely destroyed and devastated her husband.

My friend and her husband were best friends with this cheater and her husband. So all of them were affected. All of them thought they would all grow old together. And my friend and the cheater are in business together. So she has to work with this girl that has shattered all their lives.

I have been trying to dissect what happened there. I always want to understand why people do these things. There were some things in life this girl needed. She had been in AA and sober for 10 years. So at one time in her life, alcohol gave her what she needed. As a sober woman, she married the guy of her dreams and had the dream life of a successful business and a beautiful home. But I suspect she needed more attention. Because when she had her breasts done last year, she went from an A to a double DD. I don't think that's proportionate. I think that's looking for attention. And she got attention for sure. And she started an affair and then started drinking again.

I guess I wonder what void in her needed to be filled? Did alcohol fill it? And without alcohol, did she need constant love and attention from men to fill it? Do we all have that void or is it only people who have been abused or had dysfunctional families or survived a trauma? Are we all capable of cheating and we just don't know it? I mean I've heard of men actually WANTING to cheat. But when women do it, they all go through their entire lives first thinking they would never do such a thing. But when they aren't getting what they need from their partner, some of them do. Why?