August 22nd, 2007

socks and cat

The Pick Up Artist - WARNING -- Spoilers

I have figured out why I'm so completely riveted by "The Pick Up Artist" tv show. There is quite simply nothing more fascinating to me than human psychology. And this show is a serious study in what makes us tick and how to work it.

Tonight's episode taught the men to combine "being interesting" with "demonstrating higher value." You also want to "disqualify yourself as a potential suitor" so she will feel less sexually threatened.

At first I had a very negative opinion of these techniques. I am absolutely against the idea of approaching a social situation and trying to be interesting. It should never be done. Rather, you should really listen to people to discover what you find interesting about them (which is the reverse of what he's teaching). But then one of the "wingmen" explained it this way. When you throw a piece of yarn at a cat, it will find it interesting and pounce on it at first. But if the string doesn't move away, it will lose interest and move on. So the premise that you can throw something interesting about yourself out there to some one you are interested in or attracted to, but then do something that would indicate you're not really pursuing them. As for "demonstrating higher value," that's less about being superior and more about just having some self esteem. You set the tone for how you will be treated in life. Why not start immediately.

I hate to admit this, but THIS worked on me once. The very first goth boy I ever dated approached me the way most guys do at a club. One minute I was talking with friends and the minute they were gone he was suddenly next to me engaging me in conversation. My general attitude at this point is always: you can talk to me or not talk to me, I'm fine either way. And it shows when a man tries to talk to me at a club. I will not discourage him from talking to me by walking away or telling him to leave. But I will not encourage him by answering his questions with any lengthy replies or personal information. It's his choice if he wants to continue talking to me, I will continue to be polite. All men see this and usually just keep trying. Maybe they are just playing the numbers game and feel like they should keep trying and trying even when they don't get an encouraging response from me. It does decrease their "value" a bit to me when they don't get the hint that I'm not engaging them. But this one goth boy did one thing that no other ever did and it got him a date with me. Seeing my lack of disengagement but also my lack of engagement, he said, "Am I bothering you? Because I can leave."

BAM! This man accomplished 3 things at once.

#1. He showed that he was actually paying attention to me. Not just hitting on me at random and not just trying and trying to get me talking in hopes of getting a number. He was paying attention and read my neutral reaction to him.

#2. He established a "higher value." He basically let me know he was worth more than just standing around talking to some girl who wouldn't throw him anything positive and was willing to move on if he wasn't being engaged more.

#3. He "disqualified" himself by offering to remove himself from the situation. By taking away something that I might have found interesting, I suddenly found myself forced to re-evaluate my decision quickly. So I did.

Number one was the most important by far. He paid attention to me and read me. But the second two contributed as well. He was the first goth boy to ever get a date with me, and several more dates after that. THESE TECHNIQUES WORK. It is as simple as that. I still don't encourage anyone to ever purposely try to be interesting. But everyone has interesting stories about themselves, don't be afraid to tell them to some one you find attractive. Then establish that you aren't hitting on them (you would have to watch this episode to see the subtle techniques for communicating that). And establish your value and how you are to be treated.
socks and cat

(no subject)

At the end of the last class last night I noticed something small and black left on the studio floor near where the girls keep their stuff while they are dancing. I assumed it was a pair of socks. It wouldn't be the first time a girl has left socks in my studio. But when I picked it up, it turned out to be a pair of small little black panties with a pink bow. Keep in mind this was a level 2 class. We do not learn how to strip out of our hotshorts or thongs until level 4. So there was no reason for anyone to change out of their panties in class. So I'm trying to figure out how the heck some one's underwear ended up on my studio floor.
socks and cat

most of the night off

There is something I want to attend tonight that could benefit me, my business and my students. So I'm doing something I wouldn't normally do, I'm taking an almost night off. One of my most advanced students, and some one who is going to start teacher training with me as soon as the contracts are ready, is going to sub for me. She's charging me $160 for an hour and a half and then I'll be back to the studio by 8:30pm to teach the last half hour of the level 2 class.

I actually need this considering that this was supposed to be a 7 day work week (some one booked a pole party on Sunday, my one day off). But technically it's not a night off, since I'll still teach the last half hour of class. But still, just taking most of the night off takes a tremendous amount of stress off my shoulders. Hopefully this thing I'm going to tonight will be worth the $160 it cost me to get the night off.