September 2nd, 2003

socks and cat

I am a happy girl

I am totally and completely in love. It’s the honeymoon stage really, just reaching it’s 6 month anniversary now. Only it’s not with a person, it’s with a community. I’ve finally figured out what GOTH stands for.

God
Oh
Thank you
Happy now

At the goth picnic on Saturday I sat back and looked around at everyone and at the trees and at the beautiful graveyard next door and just felt this incredible bliss. I feel so accepted and so able to be myself here. And everyone is so…well…interesting. For lack of a better word.

I mean there are plenty of normal interesting people. But because they look like everyone else on the outside, there’s nothing about them that draws me in and makes me want to find out more about them. But Goths are personally expressive on the outside. Their hair, their clothes, their make-up gives you a beautiful and unusual window to draw you in. A normal person wearing khakis and blue shirt (apparently very in style right now) says nothing about them on the outside. There is nothing there that says – look how beautiful I am…come inside and find more.

And speaking of beauty, wow was there some serious eye candy at the picnic. Hathen was climbing the trees with his shirt off. I took one look at him, all shirtless and hot, and thought…damn…assassinpandora is the luckiest woman alive! Just looking at him makes my heart race.

And I saw ravenmimura for the second time. As before, I couldn’t stop looking at his kick-ass boots. But this time I realized there was a little more to look at above the boot line. Raven is…just…beautiful. I think I could stare at him for hours.

And somewhere toward the end of the picnic was the sheer pleasure of watching Hathen and izzbot horse around until they fell on top of each other. What a happy sight to behold! And no naughty thoughts associated with this of course. No, of course not!

I had a great time. I got Lance snuggles and I got to meet vorona in the flesh! And some one cooked sausages and shared them with us. I thanked him, but don’t actually know who he is. Who was that with the cool walking stick?

I had a similar experience at the Vogue on Sunday night. I looked all around me at the throng of bodies moving to a delerius rhythm and saw girls kissing girls, boy kissing boy, gender bending, erotic dancing, beautifully and unusually expressive outifts....and realized...what an awsome place. Everyone here is doing what they want to do and being who they want to be. And this is a safe and accepted place to do it.

Suffice it to say I am so happy when I am surrounded by this community. I think I should change my user name to Gothic Cat (or Gothicat). Because I’m just all head over heels in love now with being goth.
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