June 10th, 2003

socks and cat

It's about damn time!

All hell broke loose at rehearsal tonight. It started when guy in our play flaked, another guy decided not to show because the first guy flaked. That left just me and Susan to rehearse our mother/daughter scene together.

Now I've had a pretty crappy attitude about the class for the last month, and with good reason. But I put it all behind me finally and showed up ready to work hard. In spite of that, Susan really got on my nerves. Normally when people do stuff that might aggravate me, I can call on some of my spiritual philosophy to help me let it roll off my back. But not today. Susan and I got on each other's nerves and right in the middle of our rehearsing on stage it blew up into a full blown argument! So there we are yelling accusations back and forth and finally I can't take it anymore and I break down crying.

She suggests we put it all behind us and go on. I couldn't, I was mad enough to storm out and leave. So I told her I needed a break. I sat outside in the warm spring air and really thought through what was going on. I mean this acting class is costing me, and not just in a huge financial way. I have new friends that may not stay that way for long because I don't have time for them (because of class and rehearsal). I have been asked out by three different guys this month and I've had to turn them down because of my class and rehearsal schedule. I'm missing the goth picnic on Saturday because of rehearsal! I have two available snuggle partners, both of which I don't spend time with at all now because I don't have time to see them with my busy school/acting class/rehearsal schedule. I even have a way cool girl hitting on me who wants to hang out. I can't even make time for her! Look what I'm missing all to learn and rehearse a play that I think is stupid. No wonder it's been hard to adjust my attitude about this acting class.

So back in I go after a long time thinking. We talk and make up and our teacher Ann shows up. She finds out we've been fighting and she says, "Great! Use that emotion and anger for the scene!" Okay, this is where I draw the line. I said Ann, I need to let this go. I can't use this. I don't want to use anything that effects me relationship with my scene partner.

So FINALLY she does what I've been needing her to do all along! She gives the scene some meaning. She talks about what struggle is actually going on between these two characters. She discusses important emotions and conflicts that we all experience such as the need for control in our lives and the need to be free of some one else controlling us (which these two characters can use to appose one another and create tension on stage). Finally something for us to work with in this scene!!!!!


Scene from "The Dining Room"


After she leaves we rehearse with more energy and passion than we've ever given any scenes in this play. I mean we're just on fire and clearly we're doing some stuff that would draw an audience in. Because we're finally experiencing and expressing some real tension and objectives (in the scene) that everyone can relate to.

I don't know if this is going to turn this class around for me or not. I'm still looking for ways to change my attitude about the class. But at least Ann has done the one thing that I needed. She's made the scene intellectually challenging for me. The rest is up to me. I'm going to need some more motivation for the party/romantic scene. Because she's got me playing romance opposite a gay actor! HELLOOOOOO!!! I need something to look at beyond our genders and sexual preferences...to identify something that is human and a core need in all of us. I can work off that kind of motivation. Only that will make the romantic scene between us believable.
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