April 3rd, 2003

socks and cat

Happy news and Dark news

First the happy news. I just want to reiterate how much my friends TOTALLY rock! One of the many regrets I had imparted to my roommate Amy about the break-up was the birthday gift that Goth Boy was planning on buying me. It was an outfit I needed both for pole dancing (I need to wear PVC pants when pole dancing because PVC clings to the pole so well) and for Texan night at the Catwalk where we (as in us paid go-go dancers) are supposed to dress as "Sexy Texans." This outfit I found on the internet that Goth Boy had intended to buy for me (as a surprise for my birthday this month) would have been perfect for both. But alas, that gift went out with the relationship. Or did it?

I got a wonderful early birthday e-card from my roommates. Here's what the message said:

Normally, we would wait until your birthday...but we want you to know that we have taken over in regards to your "surprise" birthday gift...watch for a package in the new few days addressed to me. You don't need to wait for us to open it - but you MUST model when we get home!...HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUNEY!!!!! We love you!!

- Love, Cyra and Amy


So I'm reading this and blubbering like a baby because I'm already all emotional over the break up and the ensuing issues and now I'm just TOTALLY touched by how wonderful my friends are, stepping in for me in every way. They are filling the gaps that Goth Boy left. Flowers, love, taking me out for my birthday, buying me the wonderful gift that he would have. Here's a link so you can see what the cool outfit looks like:

http://store2.yimg.com/I/pinupgirlclothing_1729_16717293

And now the distressing stuff. Since I had asked Goth Boy not to call me until the weekend, imagine my surprise when I got home from writer's group tonight and found a voice mail from him. He sounded very bad and it turns out his grandfather just died. It's a much bigger issue than just the death. His mother is already so emotionally devastated by his grandmother's death. Who knows what this additional trauma will do to her? He's the man of the house (since his father's death when he was 5) and so he's responsible for her. He'll have a lot to deal with.

I called him at home and he wasn't there. I tried his cell phone and was surprised to find him at the Mercury. But then I remember how many people he knows there. These are his friends. I don't know if these are the kind of friends who will care for him the way mine do for me. Who knows if guys even do that kind of thing for each other. But at least he's with friends. But then I find out he's drinking like crazy. I asked how drunk he was and he named 5 or 6 strong drinks he's already had. I guess some people need to deal with their pain that way.

To end this post, a quote Amy sent me. A reminder from the Universe, from the Toa, from God, whatever you choose to call it...


I AM ALWAYS WITH ALL BEINGS;
I ABANDON NO ONE.
AND
HOWEVER GREAT YOUR INNER DARKNESS
YOU ARE NEVER SEPARATE FROM ME.
LET YOUR THOUGHTS FLOW PAST YOU.
CALMLY;
KEEP ME NEAR AT EVERY MOMENT;
TRUST ME WITH YOUR LIFE,
BECAUSE I AM YOU
MORE THAN YOU ARE YOURSELF</c>