Log in

No account? Create an account
sword crossing pole


It has taken a lot of experience for me to stop being in denial and stop holding on to my romantic ideals. I can't speak for women, I don't know if this is true for them or not. But I finally understand that all men are capable of cheating. It doesn't matter how in love with you they are, how dependent they are on you for their stability and well being, or how sensitive they are or how well respected they are in the community. It doesn't matter if he's polyamorous and could sleep with that other woman just by following the guidelines of his primary relationship. It doesn't matter if never in a million years would he condone cheating and he is vocal about how bad cheaters are. No one is perfect and every man has a trigger, no matter how deep. Every man has the potential to cheat if the right trigger is pulled.

I have seen a man so sensitive he would cry if he thought he hurt someone or their feelings. But he could still stare a woman in her eyes and tell how much he loves her while sleeping with another woman. I have seen men devoted and proud and good hearted still cheat. I have seen a man who is spiritual and kind cheat.

Maybe they would only do it once. Or maybe they would only do it with one woman they have loved or wanted forever but could never have until he was finally with someone else. Or maybe under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Or maybe none of these situations are needed. But every man has a trigger. And just about every woman who is cheated on is shocked and angry because she didn't expect it. And she didn't expect it because she thought she found the ONE man who would never cheat.

I get it now.


Well, that's unfair, but then you already know it.
A friend of mine's dad who was a minister once said "Everyone has a chance to cheat, and everyone is capable of it. You have to make the choice."
I think people fool themselves into thinking they always know what choices they will make. But we don't know until we are in that situation.
It's not just true for cheating or men, it's true for killing, stealing, self sacrifice. And yeah, women aren't that different, we kid ourselves when we say "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars"

It's one of the amazing things about the human condition, everyone is capable of great sacrifice or greed.
Well said.
Yep, it's been my experience that ANYONE is capable of what someone else would define as cheating. Whether or not they CHOOSE to, that's a different question.
It is VERY true but not just for men - this goes for women too. I have actually witnessed some pretty messed up things on both sides and for all different reasons or excuses. After getting burned pretty badly once I used to be very paranoid about partners cheating and I drove people away with it which I can understand since I get pretty pissed when people accuse me of something I am not guilty of also. I have learned over the years though that when we sit around convinced something will happen, it will. About the best we can do in this world is try to enjoy the time we are given with people we care about, avoid the people that really do not matter as best we can and focus on each moment we are living in. When we constantly are digging through the past or trying to see the future we forget the present or taint it.
True that.


As a lesbian, this is very prevalent, even among us. I have been at the receiving end of this unfortunately, but as soon as that was discovered, I ended the relationship, on more than one occasion, because once someone engages in that behavior, they will most likely do it again, and I just won't listen to excuses or stick around for that to happen.

There are lots of reasons people choose to do this, none of which are valid in my opinion. If you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship, then don't.

People pretty much know how they are hardwired.

I would never do that to my life partner. I have been placed in many situations where the opportunity has presented itself, and said no because I am in a committed relationship, and actually care enough about my wife to not put her through that emotional garbage.

People who cheat are self centered and undeserving of the primary relationship they choose to jeopardize.

Each time that I was cheated on, the person who cheated made it out to be like it was my fault for their bad decision, and begged for my forgiveness, and actually had the audacity to ask me to stay, like I could just forgive their careless indiscretions, then would become enraged while I packed up my bags and left.

I have no sympathy for cheaters. Stay out of relationships if you can't commit to being faithful.
Have you ever seen "Closer?" I own it. I would love to watch it with you and discuss it if you want. It is such an interesting film/play with soooo much metaphor.