Girl who dances in a cage (cagekitten) wrote,
Girl who dances in a cage

my decision

I didn't want to reveal anymore personal things about him but there are some things you have to know in order for my decision about this weekend to make sense.

Without knowing (at least directly) that I was thinking about ending the friendship, L00p told me last night that I'm the best friend he has right now. I think he means in the North West anyway, since the majority of his friends are in San Diego where he moved from 9 months ago. This makes sense considering the circumstances with his closest friends in Portland. They all seem to be taken away by something and spending less time with him. Two of them opened a coffee shop recently so they have to work 90 hours a week to support it. Another close friend is taking 20 units of classes and working.

To make matters worse he has reached the end of his rope. He's been in Portland 9 months and the economy has kicked his ass. He still doesn't have a steady job and he has gone through all of his savings and then some. At this point if he does not have a reliable job by the end of next week he will have to give his roommates 30 days notice and move back to San Diego to get back on his feet. He will either have to sell his car to pay for the U-Haul or he will sell everything he owns that won't fit in his car and then drive back. Either way he's pretty much lost everything and feels that he's returning home a failure.

Yeah, to say he's stressed right now would be an understatement. He's hurting and I'm a close friend that he can rely on right now. There's no way in hell I can turn my back on some one who I care about like that. Especially considering how much he cares about me and how much I mean to him. I don't care about the emotional cost to me as much as I care about him. He's coming up this weekend.

I also saw his recent post about Valentine's Day and was heart broken to find out how badly all his past V-Days of gone. That just doesn't seem right considering what a romantic man he is and what a devoted SO he has been in the past. Since he hasn't had a special Valentines Day before I'd really like to try and make one for him. Sadly, I just don't have the money to surprise him with anything. And there isn't time to make him anything. All I have so far is a nice card. Any suggestions on something cheap or free that I could surprise him with over the weekend (and keep your minds & suggestions out of the gutter please)?

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