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socks and cat

Why would you want a friend like this?

Two calls today from women who want to cancel their pole parties. Same thing every time; their friends all agree they want to go to the party. Then at the last minute their friends back out and refuse to pay -- leaving the hostess/organizer of the party to pay the entire balance on their own (which of course they can't afford without their friends chipping in).

I have to explain to each one of these women that I have already turned away other parties that wanted to book their time slot. I kept my end of the bargain by not taking their spot away from them and selling it to another bachelorette party. I turned down money to hold that spot for them. So the answer is no, I'm sorry but you can't have your $100 deposit back.

My question is, what kind of friend would do this to their friend? Why would you say that yes I want to join this bachelorette pole party and pay a small portion of it to be there only to back out at the last minute and stick your friend with the bill? Why do so many women settle for friends like this? Do they not think they deserve better? Or do people who have you buy them tickets to something and then don't show up and don't pay you back for the ticket just have other outstanding qualities as friends that makes them worth keeping even though they periodically bail on you and leave you stuck paying their share of the bill?


Sometimes this can be partly due to poor organization and informal agreements without getting payment upfront.

Person1: Hey, wanna get a group together to do X on Y date? Just $Z each.
Person2: sure
...no communication for 2 weeks...
Person1: Ok, I got it all set up. Can I get $Z now?
Person2: Oh, I forgot all about that. I have something else going on that day now. Count me out.

In such a situation both people are kinda lamers. Clear expectations and cash up front is the best policy for keeping relationships, and businesses, healthy.

And other times people asking for refunds just make up sob stories hoping for charity ;) The only time you should ever even consider not refunding the deposit is if they are trying to reschedule, not cancel. Ignore their sob stories.
I know a few people like this, I keep starting to write something here, then deleting it, trying to not "get started" on this crap.

In some cases, you can see the mechanism - for example some people are attractive enough in some way that people either cut them unwarranted slack, or they don't and so the next one in line to be "friends" simply takes their place, rinse repeat. Either way, the person doesn't learn, doesn't change, and a stunted flake of a person is the result.

I also get the impression that flakey behaviour is more rife in Seattle than many place (and I can see regional mechanisms for that too), but it's hard to say - it might be that I fell in with flakier crowds here.

This is so frustrating. Don't these people realize that a lot of accommodations are made for them? Instructors set aside time, you reserve the spot fro them, etc. GRRR.

I have brides do this to me all the time. They'll cancel a tasting and then whine or yell at me when I tell them I'm booked out for three weeks. GRRR.
Okay the yelling, wow! At least no one has yelled at me. I guess this is why they call them Bridezillas.