Log in

No account? Create an account
Kitten behind bars

How would you handle this?

Some one I hung out with once or twice a long time ago has been texting me a lot asking to hang out. I have found excuses to blow him off because he has made no secret of the fact that he drives drunk. He is in the medical profession so it's his job to save and preserve lives. Yet he's out on the roads putting lives in danger.

Blowing him off with excuses has not been effective and he just texted me last night asking when we are going to finally hang out. I have decided to call him and tell him that I am choosing not to be friends because he drives drunk. It's not that I expect to be in a car with him, it's that people who put other people's lives in danger like this are addicts and too weak to do what's right in life and so have no way of being a good friend or support system when I am looking to be stronger and better in life. But a very good friend of mine said to make up a reason rather than tell him the truth so there won't be any hard feelings. She says if you tell him the truth he may get angry or defensive and there will be awkwardness if you end up at the same club together some night.

I would rather he know the truth, that there are consequences for your actions and if you choose to drive drunk some people will not want to be your friend. But she does have a good point. Me telling him the truth will not change his drinking and driving and will most likely result in hard feelings.

Should I tell him the truth?

Other, see my posted comment


I think you should. First of all, he shouldn't be doing it. And if you don't agree with him doing it than that's your choice. Something like "I don't feel like I can be friends with you because when you drive drunk that clashes with something that's very important to me."

Sure, it might make him feel a little uncomfortable but you have your rights too....and especially as he probably should feel at least a little guilty for choosing to drive drunk. I know people make mistakes (which sometimes have horrible concequences,and sometimes have no concequences thank goodness), but if he keeps choosing to do it, I don't consider that a mistake.
This guy obviously wants to spend time with you. Being told that you won't do it because he has no qualms about being a loaded weapon after getting loaded at a bar might change his perception on his behavior.

And if he gets pissed and tells you to fuck off, then you're definitely better off not being around him. And I would pass his name on to local law enforcement so they can keep an eye on him.
I think you should tell him, not so much as a statement against drunk driving but as for being honest and for minimizing drama.

Be honest in saying it bothers you to see him put himself and others at risk, and that you feel by hanging out it makes you uncomfortable -- so you'd rather not.

Otherwise, why drag things out? The truth is not always pleasant, and I'm not saying get on a pedestal and judge -- but why drag things out?
First off, you using excuses is why he keeps calling. Sure, after a bunch of times, he's going to figure the chances are pretty good that they ARE excuses, but until then, he's going to keep operating on the hope that you really were busy, or that you just couldn't go.

What do you really want?

Is your intent that he get help? Or do you just not want him to keep asking you out? If the latter, just tell him you aren't interested.
Give it to him straight. Otherwise, why dance around it? It's an easy way to find out the motivations and agendas. If you're honest with him that you don't like him driving drunk, there's nothing else to be confused about. He can go on driving drunk and endangering himself and others, or he can stop and be a better person for it. He chooses his own fate. If he wants to drive drunk and wants to be your friend, he's got a hard choice to make. If he has hard feelings, those are his. You have a choice to let them affect you.
I would send an email.