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cat on a pole

Challenging recovery

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I'm starting to get pretty cranky and bitchy and complainy. I have cut back to Tylonol when I need to work but then go back to the heavy duty prescription pain killers the rest of the time because at least when I'm stoned off that stuff I'm not as cranky. I can't invite people over for company because most of the time when they come over I just fall asleep on them anyway. So I'm sort of stuck just being uncomfortable or in pain most of the time and working as much as I can and then crawling into bed and falling asleep. I'm getting a new found understanding of how my friends that are physically disabled actually live and feel. I mean I'm already disabled due to the way my brain's right and left hemispheres don't connect correctly and I can't think like normal people and don't have the mental clarity and ability to form memories that normal people do. But let me tell you, being physically disabled and in pain all the time is a much more unbarable disability than the one I live with.

Supposedly by now I'm supposed to be able to "return to work". I put that in quotes because I've been working every day since the surgery. But I just don't see how some one who works outside of their home could possibly get into their car and drive to their office and be nice to their clients and customers while they are in this kind of condition. I tried to work in my studio last night and I am the worse for it. Maybe I'm just a frail little thing to begin with. I didn't think I was, I mean I hang upside down from poles all day for a living. I thought I was a tough cookie. I am not. I can't take much more of this discomfort and pain. I can't wait for class that I'm supervising to be over this afternoon so I can go back on the oxywhatever pain killers.

Comments

It's going to be ok. You're only a few days out from having some pretty extensive trauma to a major muscle group, and it's going to take some time to recover from that. If you're able to eat, try adding extra calories in your diet, especially protein and some good fats. The extra calories will give your body fuel for healing. I know it's making you crazy, but food and sleep really are the best things right now - everything you do takes more energy right now, and your body needs extra energy to heal tissue and make new cells.

Take whatever meds you need to to manage the pain. Don't feel like you're not tough. Pain is different for everyone, and just because you can handle the pain of physical exertion like teaching pole dancing it doesn't mean that surgical pain must be equally as easy for you.

I promise you that it will get better, and sooner than you think right now. Keep eating, keep resting when your body needs it, and remember to breathe deeply and slowly. This will all be worth it in the end. :)
I second this. You need to allow yourself the time to heal.
Recovering from surgery was my first experience with being genuinely frail. It was an eye-opener - I figured it was probably like being 90 years old. It's amazing how much it knocks out of you.
As time went by, I got younger and stronger. So shall you :-)