Girl who dances in a cage (cagekitten) wrote,
Girl who dances in a cage

Challenging recovery

I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. I'm starting to get pretty cranky and bitchy and complainy. I have cut back to Tylonol when I need to work but then go back to the heavy duty prescription pain killers the rest of the time because at least when I'm stoned off that stuff I'm not as cranky. I can't invite people over for company because most of the time when they come over I just fall asleep on them anyway. So I'm sort of stuck just being uncomfortable or in pain most of the time and working as much as I can and then crawling into bed and falling asleep. I'm getting a new found understanding of how my friends that are physically disabled actually live and feel. I mean I'm already disabled due to the way my brain's right and left hemispheres don't connect correctly and I can't think like normal people and don't have the mental clarity and ability to form memories that normal people do. But let me tell you, being physically disabled and in pain all the time is a much more unbarable disability than the one I live with.

Supposedly by now I'm supposed to be able to "return to work". I put that in quotes because I've been working every day since the surgery. But I just don't see how some one who works outside of their home could possibly get into their car and drive to their office and be nice to their clients and customers while they are in this kind of condition. I tried to work in my studio last night and I am the worse for it. Maybe I'm just a frail little thing to begin with. I didn't think I was, I mean I hang upside down from poles all day for a living. I thought I was a tough cookie. I am not. I can't take much more of this discomfort and pain. I can't wait for class that I'm supervising to be over this afternoon so I can go back on the oxywhatever pain killers.

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