Girl who dances in a cage (cagekitten) wrote,
Girl who dances in a cage

Please hide the treats

I feel like the theme for my life this year is addiction. Of course I have no place complaining about it compared to some addicts who have lives completely destroyed by drugs or alcohol. But as minor or as legal as my addictions are, they still shift my life in directions that don't fulfill me or make me happy. The focus of the second half of my year has been about watching my health improve and new welcome opportunities present themselves as a result of giving up things that drag me down. But it's not that easy because I often have to *see* the addiction of choice that I have given up and then have to deal with the compulsion to have it back.

I was reminded of this because the bachelorette party I taught on Saturday was at a hotel and fully stocked with food and goodies. The center of the food table had a large untouched cake. Every time I glanced at that cake (which was every chance I got) I had desire to simply dig my hands into that cake and scoop up bits with my fingers to put into my mouth. I just wanted to go wild on that cake like a starving animal. I could actually see and visualize myself doing this many times. And thinking about it I could practically taste the way the chocolate cake melted in my mouth following by the sweet sugary sting and bliss of buttery textured frosting swirling around my tongue and all the pleasure points the texture and taste of it sets off in my brain one after the other in an ecstatic procession like fireworks on the fourth of July. The compulsion for sugar is so much worse when people put sugar in front of me like this.

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