Girl who dances in a cage (cagekitten) wrote,
Girl who dances in a cage

Why being an addicts sucks

I did a bad thing today but I didn't realize how bad it was at the time. Since going back on the wagon a few weeks ago and giving up sugar again, I have hud HUGE improvements by leaps and bounds not just in my health but in my entire life. My life is amazingly happier and better now.

Today after having lunch with a girlfriend we hit some stores in Capitol Hill to find her some club clothes. She asked if we could stop at Cupcake Royale and I told her that I don't eat sugar but I would go with her to get a chai there (the chai is sweetened only with honey and maple syrup and no sugar). She got a cupcake topped with "salted caramel". Oh my god, I love caramel. So I asked for just one small bite of her cupcake. BIG mistake!!!

The bite of chocolate cupcake with salted caramel frosting was absolutely orgasmic. I fell back in my chair while chewing it and I think my eyes rolled back up into my head. I only had that one bite. But it was all down hill from there.

For the rest of the day I kept seeing treats everywhere. Even the event I taught a lap dance workshop at tonight had free cake and free chocolate. I went out of my mind trying to resist them. That one bite of cupcake royale shot my sugar cravings through the roof. In desperation I stopped at the Greenwood market to get a sugar free pie (sweetened with fruit juice and pear syrup). I try to avoid these sugar free pies and such now because in the past they have been a gateway drug to the real thing (with sugar). But truly, I was insane with cravings and desperate. But the sugar free pie did not quell the cravings like it used to. I tried my stevia sweetened chai tea at home, that always does the trick and stops the cravings. But it did not this time either.

I guess when you're an addict, you can't sample what you're addicted to and expect to go on about your day or your life with no consequences. I have no idea how long I'll be made miserable by these cravings. I only know that the one bite of cupcake was not worth the torture the cravings are putting me through now.

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