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PftS

your opinions please

Below is the text I just wrote for my latest newsletter and registration announcement. Please let me know what you think. Is it too long? Does it sound genuine and believable? Or can you offer any grammatical corrections? Thanks!

There is nothing sexier than a woman with confidence! But where does confidence come from? Not ego, and not the kind of false confidence that comes from comparing ourselves to some one else’s ideal of what beautiful or sexy is. So what builds real and genuine and unshakable confidence? It comes from the experience of challenging and overcoming our fears. So ask yourself, why haven’t you tried pole dancing yet? Are you self-conscious? Do you have a fear that you’re not strong enough or fit enough to pole dance? Are you afraid of comparing yourself to or being judged by others? Almost every girl has to overcome those fears to take her first pole dance class.

Pole for the Soul is a women only supportive environment for women of every shape, size and fitness level. Whether you’re a couch potato or a fitness fanatic or somewhere in between, pole dancing offers something fun and unique to benefit every woman! You don’t have to be strong or skinny to feel beautiful on the pole. Our studio is a safe place where every woman can savor her curves! All that is required is an open mind and an hour a 45 minutes a week to explore and express what is natural, sensual and empowering to our feminine spirits. This is your chance to challenge your fears or doubts and grow into a more confident and beautiful you!

Comments

There is nothing sexier than a woman with confidence! But where does confidence come from? What builds genuine and unshakable confidence? It comes from the experience of challenging and overcoming fears. Have you considered pole dancing? Do you have a fear that you’re not strong enough or fit enough to pole dance? Are you afraid of comparing yourself to or being judged by others? Almost everyone has to overcome those fears to take her first pole dance class. There is no need to be afraid of this wonderful fitness experience!

Pole for the Soul is a women-only, supportive environment for women of every shape, size and fitness level. Whether you’re a couch potato or a fitness fanatic or somewhere in between, pole dancing offers something fun and unique to benefit every woman! You don’t have to be strong or skinny to feel beautiful on the pole. Our studio is a safe place where every woman can savor her curves! All that is required is an open mind and an hour and 45 minutes a week to explore and express what is natural, sensual and empowering to our feminine spirits. This is your chance to challenge your fears or doubts, and grow into a more confident and beautiful you!
You responded to the same thing I did--the use of the word girl is a turn off for me. Nice rephrase.

Off subject

I saw a gorgeous outfit the other day that made me think of you. It was in a shop on Broadway, less than barely north of John St. I think the store was India Imports. It was an absolutely gorgeous red velvety-looking belly dance-type outfit. I don't know how much it costs, but they can't charge you for looking at it and maybe trying it on!

Re: Off subject

I love that Indian imports store - they have gorgeous stuff!

Edited response

Just a few formatting suggestions mostly. Good writing!

There is nothing sexier than a woman with confidence! But where does confidence come from? Certainly not ego, and not the kind of false confidence that comes from comparing ourselves to some one else’s ideal of what beautiful or sexy is.

So what builds real and genuine and unshakable confidence? It comes from the experience of challenging and overcoming our fears. (delete So) Ask yourself, why haven’t you tried pole dancing yet?

(create bullet points for easier read and skimmers..there are a lot of us out there.)

Are you self-conscious?
Do you have a fear that you’re not strong enough or fit enough to pole dance?
Are you afraid of comparing yourself to or being judged by others?

Almost every woman has to overcome those fears to take her first pole dance class...(add) and the women in the class are there to support you!

Pole for the Soul is a women only supportive environment for women of every shape, size and fitness level. Whether you’re a couch potato or a fitness fanatic (add comma), or somewhere in between, pole dancing offers something fun and unique to benefit every woman! You don’t have to be strong or skinny to feel beautiful on the pole. (break for paragraph)

Our studio is a safe place where every woman can savor her curves! All that is required is an open mind and an hour a 45 minutes a week to explore and express what is natural, sensual and empowering to our feminine spirits. This is your chance to challenge your fears or doubts and grow into a more confident and beautiful you!

Loving the newsletter updates and watching you be a rockstar! Looking forward to seeing you at SHINE! I'll be video hostessing the latter bit of the eve, and running around helping people get comfy with talking about their bizzes for the camera throughout the evening. If you need some practice, find me!

Also recommend that you practice in your camera ahead of time. THey will be sending questions out this week I think for people to prep with! :)

WEEEE!

Blessings,
Amy

Re: Edited response

Thanks!

Re: Edited response

anytime!