In my darkest hours I did utilize just some of the tools I have. Not tools for coping, because I don't have those anymore. I don't cope. I let life kick my ass and experience the pain full-on or I pick myself up and use the tools that I have to make peace with what is and influence what will be. And where I didn't have the strength to do that this week, I followed the practice of "barrowing faith." I also went to the Monday unemployment group where we tackled what they call the "yeah buts." My "yeah but" was "I want to be an actress. Yeah but only 10% of union actors make up to $10,000 a year."
I loved Kathianne's answer to this. She said unless you use spiritual laws, you will always fall under the law of averages.
Screw the averages! I hardly had time to kick in my own spiritual practice before I got a huge demonstration of spiritual law. I think between the faith that others hold for me and the consciousness shift I got from Monday, the universe could not help but support me (and that is what is meant by the term “Spiritual Laws”). But before I go into the details of this wonderful demonstration, here are some of those pictures I promised. First the posed one, me in my “sexy Texan” cowboy costume that I put together for my go-go dancing job.
I sewed the cowboy fringe on that vest all by myself!
So I get this call from my former acting teacher who is trying to convince me to return to acting school. I explained to her my lack of employment situation and promised to return when I had the money. She suggested a work-study, in which I would pay 40% of the $400 tuition. Again I had to turn it down. Finally she asked me if I would like to repeat the Acting 3 class. I said yes. I have been out of acting school for a year and I need the refresher course. So she finally decided to just give me the work-study for free! In exchange for the class I will work for them. Oh my God! I was praying for guidance and here it is. The Universe has said, “DO WHAT YOU LOVE! Do what you love and here is a cost free way so that you CAN do it.” But as they say in infomercials…wait! There’s more! It gets BETTER! Okay but first another pic.
Cage Kitten at work at the Catwalk Club
So that night I meet hannahadams for coffee (cjcollier joined us later). Giddy with joy, I’m telling Hannah about the acting class I’ll be starting and how happy I am. And this is when she tells me she once signed up for an acting class at Freehold Studio, paid for it in full, and then had to drop. So they owe her credit toward a class. And get this…she’s giving me the credit! She’s giving me the class for free!!!!
Okay, this is not just one demonstration after another. This is like the Universe slamming me upside the head and saying “HELLO!! Do what you LOVE!!!!! Act.” And this is the kind of thing that made me cry. I’m talking drop to your knees on the ground and weep from sheer joy kind of crying. All I had to do was practice my faith where I could and barrow where I couldn’t and suddenly the universe and the people around me are caring for me and supporting me and providing for me. And I’m like…how could I have ever doubted!?
Okay, and another picture:
This is what a hard day at the "office" looks like for Cage Kitten
Please do not feed....errr...I mean taste the caged animals!
I have so much more to write but I have to finish memorizing a monologue for tonight. I just have to add that I had another demonstration this morning. I opened up my unemployment check this morning and saw that I had just under 3 weeks left. At this point I almost lost it. Because to me that equaled settling for any crummy job at this to make ends meet…and ASAP. And to me sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day, hating what you do, is worse than death. Office jobs like that suck the life out of me. And I thought I might be facing this potentiality at that moment.
The temptation here was to give up at least for a day. Go to bed and cry. Or if I had a boyfriend, this is the point where I would just crawl into his bed and his arms and cry. I wrestled with how to practice my faith instead. How can I know for myself the absolute truth that I will have the work I need, when I need it, even though I feel this low at this moment? Again, something more powerful than just myself delivered the answer.
Rev. Lynn called me. She knew I was unemployed and offered me $10 to take her to the airport. Not exactly a good deal for me considering the distance I would drive. But I don’t want to turn down money. So on the drive there we talk and she reminds me that if the Universe would deliver to me not just one but TWO free acting classes…of COURSE it’s going to provide the means to support myself while I take them. God is not cruel. It does not deliver something you want more than anything in the world and then leave you unable to support yourself so you can enjoy it. That’s simply NOT how the Universe works. And she paid me $18 instead of $10 (a little demonstration in itself).
So, safe in this knowledge I proceed home. And what do I find when I get there, great messages on my answering machine. One is a two week temp position, which I have to turn down. But the other is from a place I sent my resume to over two weeks ago. A high paying receptionist position and they want to interview me on Tuesday!
Yee-ha! If I EVER doubt again my own power in every situation, my ability to be at peace no matter how things look on the outside, and the way I am completely and totally provided for at every moment ….will some one please slap me upside the head and tell me to wake the hell up!!!
Some one should teach these people how to dance!